The Sweet Smell Of Success

As that great British pop group 10cc put it in their 1977 hit: "The things we do for love, the things we do for love, like walking in the rain and the snow ..."

And brushing your teeth, it seems. Yes, a new survey has revealed that not having breath like a moose's fart means you'll have more success in luurve and life. Who knew? Who knew?

The survey, conducted by a bunch called pureprofile on behalf of dental products group Oral B, questioned 1001 people nationally and discovered that 96 per cent of Australians surveyed agreed that bad oral hygiene affected the enjoyment of kissing.

(It is unbiasedly best to report here that the survey was conducted - and this is the company's word - to celebrate the launch of the new Oral B CrossAction Pro-Health, featuring a "textured tongue-cleaner". Is this a toothbrush or a new cross-trainer? It's a hell of a mouthful, either way.)

But back to our statistics. Ninety-six per cent of you think breath that could kill a poodle at 20 paces affects the enjoyment of kissing. Fair enough. Remaining upright is always a good start for a romance but think about it, people; this means that 4 per cent - 40 or so from a 1001-strong sample - think it doesn't affect the enjoyment. Really?

It gets worse. Sixty-one per cent of respondents say they have stopped snogging someone because of "bad oral hygiene". By which they mean breath so bad you can light it to keep mozzies away. Of course, it doesn't explain how you managed not to notice this until you actually had your head halfway down their gullet. A conundrum for another time, perhaps.

Break this statistic down along gender lines and women take a civilising step up (to 70 per cent) while men - and you know who you are - plummet to a grubby 54 per cent. Logically, this means 46 per cent of men would happily swap spit with a woman whose mouth whiffs like three-week-old Queensland roadkill.

Perhaps this is the deep-seated cause of the so-called epidemic of binge drinking; with only 65 per cent of women brushing their teeth twice a day it's the only way we can get near almost one-third of womankind. Next time he's kissing you, ladies, those might not be tears of joy in his eyes.

Bad oral hygiene can also, according to the survey, affect your career. High income earners (greater than $120,000 a year) questioned believe people with bad breath are less likely to be promoted at work. They are also believed to be less disciplined and less professional.

"If you feel success is eluding you," says the Oral B press release, "one factor to consider is your oral hygiene habits."

Hmmm, seems they don't call it the sweet smell of success for nothing. So buy yourself a toothbrush that can get to those difficult-to-reach areas, make sure you massage those gums, scrub that furry tongue with a spoonful of Dettol and an old copy of The Bulletin. Do that and the world is your lobster. Success will beat a path to your door and you will have lovers throwing themselves at your feet. And they'll be conscious, too.


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