British Women Seek Younger Men

Copyright 2007 by United Press International
A British survey suggests that an increasing number of women over the age of 45 are seeking relationships with younger men.

The survey of 1,200 adults conducted by London-based Parship dating service found that the number of older women seeking younger men rose by 20 percent over the course of one year to nearly one in 10, The Daily Mail reported Monday. Of that number, 3 percent said they are seeking men more than 10 years their junior.

The survey found that approximately two-thirds of women seeking younger men live in rural areas and many of them use Internet dating sites to find companionship.

For their part, younger men aren't entirely adverse to being pursued by older women, the survey found. Five percent of men between 25 and 35 years of age said they are seeking relationships with older women and 47 percent of male respondents said age has little to do with love.



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Online Dating - Post Divorce Therapy

www.stuff.co.nz

"Jane" needed post-divorce love therapy. She got it at online dating websites.

Dating therapy? I'm sure all of you fellow divorcees know what I'm talking about.

However, for those still wondering, let me explain how my online-dating therapy worked, and perhaps my crazy adventures may remind you of your own healing journeys.

Like many freshly separated people, I was one of the walking wounded, with the self-esteem of a flea. I was encouraged to try online dating by a girlfriend who regularly had enormous bunches of roses, chocolates, lingerie and perfume delivered to her door by romantic suitors from all over the world.

All right, she's a gorgeous, voluptuous blonde, and I'm, well, not. But I needed to "get back into the game", or so I thought.

After a string of disappointing dates who looked very little like their profile photos, I decided to use online dating to expand my horizons and experiment in unknown territory. I began as "insecure and desperate", progressed through "flirtatious tease", "potential sugar-baby", "seductive Mrs Robinson", "mischievous prankster" to "serious seeker". Eventually I settled on "happy single".

The first place I tried was www.findsomeone.co.nz, a perfectly good site for internet virgins and serious seekers if you create the right profile.

In my photo, I was wearing a little red dress. Unfortunately, this attracted the wrong kind of attention, and one man even contacted me saying that he was "having a lot of fun manipulating my photo" and would I "give him permission to publish it on his website?"

I promptly took that photo off my profile, and subsequently received fewer messages. On the whole however, findsomeone was a reasonably respectable and conservative site.

I then tried www.adultfriendfinder.com, which was more open minded and social. I didn't post a photo, but received many inquiring messages. It was on this site that I became more adventurous.

After receiving a few messages from much younger men, I decided that I would date a lad Mrs Robinson-style.

In my previous relationships, and my marriage, I had been a sexually submissive woman, and I theorised that perhaps with a younger partner I could unleash a more dominant side.

Unfortunately, my young date had a nervous laugh and I found myself not wanting to offend his lack of experience by saying, "do it like this" or "do that". Turns out I prefer men not boys.

This led me to a man profiling himself as a "sugar daddy". Although I wasn't young enough to be his sugar baby, I began chatting with this unusually handsome and articulate chap.

I found myself being more forthright with him as I found my mojo and left my insecure self behind.

Unfortunately, he seemed to be insecure. He continuously post-poned dates until I gave up on meeting him.

Chatting online and flirting was great for my self-esteem, as I could be as bold as brass and not even have to meet anyone in person if I didn't want.

Meanwhile, the girlfriend who got me into online dating also got me into mischief. She had been dating someone for a couple of months and wanted to see where she stood. He still had his profile online and asked me to message him and see if he would date me. Don't try this.

We arranged to have coffee, but instead of me turning up at the cafe, my friend arrived instead.

You can imagine the trouble. Mind you, on a similar, but more transparent occasion, I scored a ride in a Ferrari with one of her suitors, so it wasn't all bad.

I quickly lost interest, however, when he began joking about threesomes.

After these dates, and a few other unmentionables, I was well on my way to becoming a more assertive, adventurous, self-confident woman the kind I remembered that I once was so many moons ago.

As karma would have it, I then began attracting insecure, desperate men. One of them left several messages sobbing into my telephone after I declared those dreaded words, "There's no spark for me". This was after only a few dates and not even a kiss.

Then there was the man who assumed that I wanted to hook up for sex when my profile said I was "looking for seriously good coffee". Apparently for some on nzdating, "coffee" is synonymous with sex.

Thankfully, my son fell ill and the babysitter called me home.

Yes, online dating can be great therapy for both sexes.

Thanks to my crazy adventures and fearless online experimentation, I'm now happy to be single offline.

No doubt the internet will beckon again. When that day comes, I will be in a much better position to weed out the wannabes, the desperate and those who send photos of their apparatus.

Thanks to online-dating therapy, I now know myself better, like myself better, and know what kind of man I want to meet.



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Things Your Woman Date Wants to Hear

In some ways, women are a bit like Labradors (a certain breed of dogs): if you say the right things in an appropriate tone of voice, they'll do what you want.

Alternately, women also have the potential to be like caged lions, and if you piss them off and are dumb enough to stand around, they'll rip your head off. For that reason, we want to highlight some of the things that women love to hear and show you how certain phrases can consistently be used to score major points. Of course, the last thing we want to do here is spew out a list of platitudes that every guy knows women never get sick of hearing. Instead, we'd like to suggest some alternative phrases and the reasons why they are so effective.

These are not pickup lines; they're phrases meant to be used on a girl you already know. Perhaps you've been dating and you want to take things to the next level. Or maybe it's even a long-term girlfriend and you've been going through a rough patch. You might even be a bit worried that she's losing interest and is starting to look around for something else. Whatever the case, the following is meant to give you an idea of different ways to verbally press her buttons by saying things women love to hear.

Generally, the things women love to hear can be placed into four categories: compliments about her appearance, words confirming your commitment to a future together, verbal displays of territorialism, jealousy, and questions that demonstrate interest in her life.

Give compliments

The comedian Chris Rock said that women need three things: food, water and compliments. So, it's not a matter of women just wanting to hear compliments, they actually can't live without them. If they don't get them, they might even shrivel up and die. If you can periodically reel off a nice compliment and genuinely mean it, don't hesitate to do so because the benefits will come back to you in spades. However, be careful not to flood the air with empty flattery, as even the most attention-starved girl will see through your seduction strategy and call you out.

Examples of things women love to hear:
* "You look incredible." It's simple and effective. Every girl wants to hear this, particularly when she has gone to some trouble to look nice.
* "Those jeans look great on you." This is a polite (and obvious) way of telling her that she has a nice ass.

Show commitment

When you include her in your future plans, you're giving her a glimpse of the security - whether she's 19 or 36 - that she probably craves. So, say something that indicates to her that you intend to be a part of her life for a long time. Invite her to a high school reunion that's still six months away. It's enough to let her know that you envisage a future together, but not so bold as to suggest marriage and the rest of it.

We have more things women love to hear for you to memorize ...

* "I'd love to take you to (enter place of choice) this summer."
* "I'm not interested in anyone else." In any relationship, questions will inevitably arise about your commitment to her, so when she asks, say something like this to counter her doubts and reassure her that you've found all you ever needed.

Be Jealous

Being creatures of the natural world, women expect men to be the protectors in a relationship. And when we don't act like it, they get irritated and begin to look elsewhere. We have to show them how much we care, which means that we have to get territorial once in a while. We're by no means suggesting violent outbursts and paranoid accusations, but rather, some gentle prod¬ding that demonstrates that you don't want to lose her to anyone. At the end of the day, if you don't take an interest in your girl's well-being, someone else will come along with an offer to do so.

Examples of things women love to hear:

* "Where were you?" You don't have to be suspicious, just inquire about her whereabouts from time to time.
* "Who's that guy?" Ask her this in a half-joke, half serious tone and she will think it's cute that you're still evaluating the competition.



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The Dating Game: Sometimes Bad Experiences Offer Good Lessons

Dating is full of ups and downs. The ups are the good dates you wish would last forever. The downs are those dates from hell — the ones you wish you could erase from your memory permanently.

Most single women have had both — like Elizabeth Aven, 30, of Oklahoma City and Brittany Meadors, 24, of Edmond.

Aven recalls one really bad date. She had gone out a few times with a guy who seemed "nice and normal.” Against her mother's advice to never invite a man to her house unless she knew him really well, she invited her date over after dinner. After a few minutes, he started getting a little too friendly.

"I just told him he was going to need to back off,” she said.

He backed off but seemed annoyed.

"About 10 minutes later, he was like, ‘OK, I've got to go,' and he just left,” she said.

Glad he was gone, Aven grabbed a snack and kicked her feet up in front of the TV.

"Maybe 45 minutes later, I get a knock at my door and it was a cop,” Aven said. "She said, ‘Hey, we got a call from someone that you were going to hurt yourself or, I don't know, try and kill yourself.'

"I was like, ‘I have no idea what you're talking about at all. I'm just sitting here just hanging out, watching TV.'”

After a few minutes of checking for evidence that Aven might be suicidal, the officer asked if she knew who might have filed the false report. She related the story of her bad date, and the two women shook their heads in wonder at the nerve of her date.

Don't go trying to change me
Meadors had dated the same guy for several years. She met him when she was 19 and working at a mall. On their first date, he was Prince Charming, she said, but soon after they became a couple, he began treating her badly.

"Not even two weeks into it, he got mad because I talked to a guy friend,” she said. "He ended up not talking to me for the rest of the evening. Stuff like that continued, and I just took it.”

When the two started dating, Meadors lived with her parents, who enforced a rule that she would be picked up and dropped off by her dates.

"He lived on the south side, and I lived in Midwest City,” she said. "He always expressed how much he hated having to drive all the way to my house to pick me up and to take me home. I thought that was really rude.”

But Meadors was so taken with her new boyfriend's good looks, she tolerated his bad manners for years. She said she always thought that he was the best she could do and that she could change him.

"You think that you're in love with them and you think that you can change people, but you can't,” she said.

Their relationship was on and off. He would break up, then ask her to come back. The final straw came on a Valentine's Day. He called her about 4:30 p.m. to see whether she wanted to meet for drinks.

"I was immediately irritated after I hung up the phone because I felt like I should have been picked up, and it just killed the mood the whole time,” she said. "It doesn't matter if I date you for a couple months or a couple years, I still want to be picked up and taken home. Especially on Valentine's Day.”

Meadors admits she made a lot of mistakes in that relationship. She knows that she mistakenly thought she could change him. She said she wasn't happy with herself and therefore, wasn't able to really be herself.

But she said she is glad to be rid of him so she can concentrate on her career and making herself happy.



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High-Tech Dating - DNA-Style!

Blind dating, random dating or speed dating - that's enough beating around the bush. According to a Switzerland-based biotech organization, people need online dating to get concrete and scientific answers.

The organization in question, GenePartner has announced a DNA-matching service and is looking to partner with dating sites. GenePartner will use a $199 DNA test, the cheapest on the web, for determining compatibility of prospective partners for a long-lasting relationship.
The company has derived the algorithm after analyzing "hundreds of couples". GenePartner will use a buccal swab kit to collect the DNA sample from the saliva of its members for DNA analysis. Alternatively, a GenePartner user can enter their GenePartnerID.

GenePartner is looking forward to partner with dating services that would encourage this radical DNA matching concept. However, no widely accepted neutral body has approved of this DNA-matching algorithm. But whether the algorithm works or not, one never knows when love strikes!


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Dating Tips For Nice Guys

My best friend and I, like most women, want to meet and be with a "nice man." The problem is that the nice men we have met have consistently done things that have created situations where we have no desire to continue to date them. I have quite a few "nice guy" friends who have asked me time and time again..."What are we doing wrong?" I have decided to write this for them, and for the nice guys who have ever questioned exactly what the hell was going on in our heads.

This is, in essence, a set of dating do's and don'ts for the nice guys out there. I have separated these rules into 4 sections...before the date, during the date, after the date and miscellaneous. They are generalizations and guidelines, but I would argue that they hold true for most women.

BEFORE THE DATE

DO make the first move: Yes, it sucks, but in today's world, even the most modern woman would prefer that the man make the first move. Some of us can make the first move, and occasionally do. But it's still preferable to have you do it. How do you make the first move? Walk up to us and offer to buy us a drink (if we're in a bar), ask us for a recommendation (in a bookstore/cd/movie store), or just say hi. Women do not get off on being bitchy (ok, a few do, but the majority do not) and if we're not interested we'll smile and say no thanks or walk away. Yes rejection stings, but acceptance is just as much a possibility.

DO try internet dating websites: Many women, especially busy women have gotten on board the internet dating train. Carefully construct your profile. Don't write a novel in the section where you're supposed to talk about yourself. Tell us what you do, what your passions are, and an interesting fact or two. If you have non-negotiables, this may be a good place to bring them up. My best friend and I will not date men who aren't pro-choice and pro-gay rights. Doesn't matter if he's rich, drop dead gorgeous and good in bed...without those two he's gone. There's not point in talking to women who have no interest in camping if you love it. When it asks you what you're looking for, actually create some standards. There are few things that say "desperate" to me than a man who has any any any any down his list of "potential mates."

You probably don't want to date a girl who's 3 feet tall (maybe you do, but if you do, then you probably don't want to date a woman who's 8 feet tall). If you're 18, you probably don't want to date a 60 year old woman. If you only want to date thin women, don't put that you'll date a woman with a "few extra pounds." Try to put up a picture...and find one that actually looks like you do now...not the one from 4 years ago when you had a 6 pack that has long since gone the way of the beer can. Once you're up, send winks/icebreakers to the women you find interesting. Keep it short and sweet...something to the effect of "I liked your profile, please check out mine" with a little something about you...a movie you saw recently, your thoughts on the recent political developments, whatever.

DO move it from email to aim to phone in a short period of time: Exchange two or three emails to get a feel for the person. Then move onto your instant messenger of choice. It is also acceptable to go directly to instant messenger. If things click there, take it to the phone. If they click, ask her out for COFFEE by the 3rd conversation. If you wait too long, it will never happen. Do not ask her out to dinner, go for coffee...dinner is expensive and it could be 2 hours of hell. Coffee is 20 minutes and could easily be extended into dinner should it go well.

DON'T send a novel of an email: My best friend and I recently received the exact same email from some idiot. It was long, trite and cheesy as hell. Nothing is less sincere than trying to sound like some kind of self help novel/romantic movie. Be honest about who you are. And for chrissakes, keep it short.

DON'T use bad grammar or spelling: There's such a thing as spell check. Do us a favor and use it. There was a perfectly nice guy who I stopped emailing because his emails were just plain PAINFUL to read. And it's irritating, quite frankly to see a guy write "r u into sports" instead of "do you like sports?" Take the time to write "you" instead of "u." Yes, spelling counts...not the occasional typo..we all make those. But your email to a woman is your calling card and she'll be basing her opinion on you on your email. A poorly spelled email with bad grammar says that you aren't interested in making a real effort.

DON'T keep talking to a girl if you're not interested: Yes, you don't want to hurt someone's feelings, but at what point do put yourself first?

THE DATE

DO show up on time, and well groomed: It's basic respect, but quite a few men seem to have missed that particular memo. Also, show up in a casual outfit like jeans and a shirt. This doesn't mean tight jeans with your hair greased up. Again, this might seem obvious, but many seem to have missed it.

DO talk: When we have to do all the talking, we think a guy isn't interested in us. Everyone has life experience to share...share yours. Maybe you think your life isn't all that interesting, but we don't know that you have siblings, or that you had the coolest dog ever when you were little. At the same time do let her talk. It's not cool to hog the conversation.

DO pay: It's perfectly okay not to, but it's a sign of respect. Which again argues for asking her out for coffee. Should you not click, you're only out $6 at most.

DON'T show up with a ton of gifts: A friend was recently embarrassed when a guy showed up with candy, AND flowers, AND a balloon. Can we say overkill? If you feel the need to bring over something, make it a single flower, or a bunch of simple flowers like daisies. Red roses are trite, uncomfortable and too much. A single rose is acceptable when it isn't red...go for yellow, parchment, or a funky rose. The best flower I ever got on a first date was a rose that had been died blue and dipped in silver glitter. It wasn't the best because it was a rose...it was that it was really interesting and original. Flowers are really for the 2nd date (and even then, stay away from red roses...which are for girlfriends, not dates). Balloons are only acceptable on birthdays. Candy is a kind of random gift...on Valentine's Day maybe, if she's your girlfriend. Or perhaps if you took a trip to Switzerland or Germany or something and wanted to bring back some of that exquisite chocolate. And, please God, stay away from stuffed animals.

DON'T make the offer to take us to dinner if you don't want to: The worst dinner I ever had was with a guy who I hadn't clicked with, and made the mistake of taking the offer to dinner with. It was 45 minutes of boredom. Spare us, and spare yourselves.


DON'T try to hold our hands until we give you a sign that we're interested: A sign that we'd like you to hold our hands is to put our hand on the table, slightly extended, with the palm up. Wait for this signal. Some girls aren't comfortable with PDA's.


AFTER THE DATE

DO go in for a kiss, if you think things went well: Most women are open to a good night kiss to see if there's physical chemistry. Keep it closed mouth at first, and see if she's responding. If she turns her head, bad sign. If she responds, good sign and potentially move in for an open mouth kiss.

DO drop her a phone call or email after the date: However, I mean the day after the date. Wait at least 12 to 18 hours. Again, keep it short...Had a great time, would you like to do that again? Don't drone on about how hot she is, how much you'd like to see her again, and unless you won a million dollars, don't say it was the best date ever...again it looks desperate.

DO respect her response: If she agrees to a second date, go for it. Don't make it for that night however. If she says no, then respect it...don't email her some wounded response. Keep it for your friends.

DON'T badger her: There was a guy who my best friend was going to give a second date to. Until he emailed her 4 times and texted her another 3-5 times in 24 hours. That is stalking. If she doesn't respond to your ONE email OR voicemail, wait 3 days. Still nothing, drop a one line email that says "haven't heard from you, was wondering if you got my message." If she still doesn't respond, don't continue to pursue her.

DON'T use pet names early on: I once decided to stop talking to a guy who called me princess in our first instant message conversation. I was disappointed because he seemed like a cool guy. However, the use of pet names is uncomfortable, and sends the whole desperate/cheesy message. I'm not talking about the occasional hon or darlin', both of which I use with everyone. I'm talking about "angel" "gorgeous" "princess" etc.

DON'T have the relationship talk on or just after the first date: No one wants to talk about "where we're going" after ONE date. We're not even sure if we want a second date sometimes.

MISCELLANEOUS

DON'T try to date before your current relationship is over or just after it has ended: It's not fair to you or your date if you're still in love with someone else. And if your date confesses that they're still in love with their ex, make a graceful exit. Understand that sometimes people think they're ready to date, when the truth is that they're anything but, and they need that experience to know it.

DO understand that it's entirely possible to be totally into someone before a first date and totally not into someone once you meet them: Chemistry is a tricky thing and although you may have the best chemistry ever on the phone, you may have nothing in person.

DO try something other than your normal type: I'm not saying ignore your non negotiables...I'm saying if you've only ever dated blondes, try a brunette. If you've only ever dated lawyers, why not date a banker? If your type had worked, you wouldn't be single, now would you?

DO go with your gut instincts: If your gut tells you that this isn't happening, don't take it further.

FINAL THOUGHTS

JUST WHERE DO I MEET GIRLS? The question I have gotten perhaps more frequently than any other is "so where do I meet girls?" My answer is NOT in a bar. I have yet to meet a serious relationship in a club or a bar. I strongly suggest internet dating...it has worked for many people I know (and has led to two engagements in just my friendship circle). I also suggest looking in places where people with your interests gather. Some examples...if you're into Trek...go to a Trek convention. Comics/Anime...Anime con. BDSM...join the local group. If you're into books, try bookstores. If you're into a type of music, go to see your type of bands in the local music scene...keep an eye on what girls keep showing up...approach them. And if you meet a girl at an event type thing, you then also have a handy topic to bring up to break the ice.

WHAT IF I GET REJECTED? We all get rejected. The hottest people get rejected. And as I said before...we don't live to hurt people's feelings. Most women will try to let you down easily. The bottom line is that we're all looking for the same thing and we have to sometimes kiss a lot of frogs to find our prince or princess.

WHY DO WOMEN ONLY SEEM TO LIKE ASSHOLES? It's not that we like assholes. To be honest, it's that we like a challenge. If you throw yourselves at us, you are in no way a challenge. You're too easy, in fact. I'm not saying that you should be cold and distant...I'm saying that when you make it clear to us that we can have you and have everything we want from you without question, it's not interesting. You need to have your own opinions. You need to be a person outside of our boyfriend or date. The truth is that we do want a nice guy. "Bad Boys" call us once and wait for us to call them back...they tell us that they want to do something, rather than asking us constantly...and they say things that make us want to respond.

WHY DO THEY ALWAYS WANT TO BE JUST FRIENDS? You just haven't the right girl. As I said, chemistry is weird. But be careful on whether or not you agree to be friends with her. If you desperately want to date her, the answer should be "NO." There is NO shame in saying "I don't think I want that, sorry." Don't try to be her friend, laying in wait until she's single in hopes that you'll get your shot once she gets to know you. If she wants to be your friend, that's the best you've got coming. The truth is that we're pretty sure if we can see ourselves sleeping with you or dating you by the end of the first date, second date at the latest.

We want to meet you. We want to date you. Hell, we want to marry you. But we need to meet you first and that's not going to happen if you're hiding in your office or sitting at your computer reading this. Put yourself out there...it will be worthwhile.

Good luck, and let me know how it goes!



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The Sweet Smell Of Success

As that great British pop group 10cc put it in their 1977 hit: "The things we do for love, the things we do for love, like walking in the rain and the snow ..."

And brushing your teeth, it seems. Yes, a new survey has revealed that not having breath like a moose's fart means you'll have more success in luurve and life. Who knew? Who knew?

The survey, conducted by a bunch called pureprofile on behalf of dental products group Oral B, questioned 1001 people nationally and discovered that 96 per cent of Australians surveyed agreed that bad oral hygiene affected the enjoyment of kissing.

(It is unbiasedly best to report here that the survey was conducted - and this is the company's word - to celebrate the launch of the new Oral B CrossAction Pro-Health, featuring a "textured tongue-cleaner". Is this a toothbrush or a new cross-trainer? It's a hell of a mouthful, either way.)

But back to our statistics. Ninety-six per cent of you think breath that could kill a poodle at 20 paces affects the enjoyment of kissing. Fair enough. Remaining upright is always a good start for a romance but think about it, people; this means that 4 per cent - 40 or so from a 1001-strong sample - think it doesn't affect the enjoyment. Really?

It gets worse. Sixty-one per cent of respondents say they have stopped snogging someone because of "bad oral hygiene". By which they mean breath so bad you can light it to keep mozzies away. Of course, it doesn't explain how you managed not to notice this until you actually had your head halfway down their gullet. A conundrum for another time, perhaps.

Break this statistic down along gender lines and women take a civilising step up (to 70 per cent) while men - and you know who you are - plummet to a grubby 54 per cent. Logically, this means 46 per cent of men would happily swap spit with a woman whose mouth whiffs like three-week-old Queensland roadkill.

Perhaps this is the deep-seated cause of the so-called epidemic of binge drinking; with only 65 per cent of women brushing their teeth twice a day it's the only way we can get near almost one-third of womankind. Next time he's kissing you, ladies, those might not be tears of joy in his eyes.

Bad oral hygiene can also, according to the survey, affect your career. High income earners (greater than $120,000 a year) questioned believe people with bad breath are less likely to be promoted at work. They are also believed to be less disciplined and less professional.

"If you feel success is eluding you," says the Oral B press release, "one factor to consider is your oral hygiene habits."

Hmmm, seems they don't call it the sweet smell of success for nothing. So buy yourself a toothbrush that can get to those difficult-to-reach areas, make sure you massage those gums, scrub that furry tongue with a spoonful of Dettol and an old copy of The Bulletin. Do that and the world is your lobster. Success will beat a path to your door and you will have lovers throwing themselves at your feet. And they'll be conscious, too.


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Sex Swap Husband To Live With Wife As a Lesbian

They do look an odd couple. Lorna's only 5ft 4in tall and her 6ft 5in partner Lucy towers over her.

But it's not just the height difference that stands out... they have an amazing story to tell.

Lucy used to be Karl Ellis - a tall, handsome father-of-three with a good job as a computer engineer.

Secretly, though, Karl was a cross-dresser who liked to wear his wife's clothes about the house. Then last October he changed his name by deed poll to Lucy Jayne.

But even that could not have prepared Lorna for the next bombshell. Barely into the new year, 27-year-old Karl told her: "I want to become a real woman."

And if that wasn't shock enough, he told her that once he has had a sex change, he wants them to stay together ...as lesbians.

"I just couldn't believe it," recalls Lorna. "This was my husband saying he wanted to be my girlfriend. All I knew is I wanted to be with him. He was my first love and I couldn't imagine life without him.

"I blamed my-self and felt a complete failure as a woman. Should I have been able to convince him that he was a real man? Could I have a lesbian relationship when I knew I was heterosexual?"

Sitting by Lorna's side in their living room in Nantwich, Cheshire, Karl - now Lucy - says: "I hope we can work it out and stay together."

"Lucy" is in a black dress - with a telltale hint of stubble, an adam's apple and a tattoo on a muscular bicep.

The couple first became good friends at school more than 10 years ago. Karl shared his taste for dressing in women's clothes with Lorna when she was just 16.

One evening in her bedroom, she slipped off her top and handed it to him. Lorna, now 23, recalls: "He slipped it on.

Giving a twirl, he asked 'How do I look?'."

Cross-dressing sessions became a regular thing. A year later, the pair went out clubbing together and ended up in a passionate embrace.

A month later, in August 2002, they got a flat together. That year Lorna, still only 17, realised she was expecting.

Jessica was born in June the following year and the next year they had another daughter, Emma.

They tied the knot at Crewe register office in August 2006 and nine months later Amy was born.

Karl continued to cross dress and one night, as he flaunted himself in her lace underwear, Lorna asked: "Do you actually want to be a woman?" Lucy - then still Karl - gazed down at the floor and replied: "Yes. I've tried to bury it, but I can't."

Lorna was horrified and yelled: "Don't you think you should have thought about this before we had the kids?"

Composing herself she asked if he wanted a sex change operation. He said he wasn't sure. Karl continued the story: "We sat down and talked about it. Then we went to the doctors to see if they could help me with Lorna's support."

Karl has to live as Lucy, a woman, for two years before a sex change operation can be considered - and in the meantime the couple are still enjoying sex as man and wife.

"It's not on a regular basis," said Lorna. "We can still enjoy sex as a husband and wife, but it is changing."


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Chile Pole Dancer Arrested

Police in Chile have arrested a stripper who was attempting to remove her clothes outside the presidential palace in the capital, Santiago.

Her arrest comes three days after she performed a series of striptease dances on the Santiago underground, the metro.

Monserrat Morilles told reporters that her performances were aimed at challenging the prudishness of Chilean society and that they would continue.

Chilean media has dubbed her "La Diosa del Metro" or the Metro Goddess.

'Timid country'

Ms Morilles, 26, called her performances "happy minutes."

A professional pole dancer, she boarded the train at one station, and stripped down to skimpy underwear in time to exit at the next station.

"This is just a beginning. We are starting an idea here that will grow and be developed further," she told Reuters news agency as she was being taken into custody.

"Chile is still a pretty timid country," her manager, Gustavo Pradenas, said.

"People aren't very extroverted and we want to take aim at that and make Chile a happier country."

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News flash! Condoms protect against HPV

www.salon.com
Today's New York Times reports on the most conclusive study to date regarding the correlation between condom use and decreased incidence of the human papillomavirus (HPV), a cause of genital warts and cervical cancer. The five-year study found that "consistent use of condoms protects against HPV."

The study was funded by the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, a federal agency, and was conducted at the University of Washington at Seattle from December 2000 to June 2005. Results show that "women whose male partners used condoms every time they had sexual intercourse had less than half the rate of infection as did women whose partners used condoms less than 5 percent of the time." According to the Times, "researchers followed 82 female students ages 18 through 22 from the time they said they had their first sexual intercourse with a male partner. Every two weeks, the women electronically filed information about their daily sexual behavior and condom use to a protected website. Every four months the researchers tested the women for papillomavirus and early indications of cancer." A researcher also conducted personal interviews with the participants.

If this study is indeed "definitive," as James R. Allen, president of the American Social Health Association, who was not involved in the study, told the Times, it puts to rest concerns that condoms are only partly effective, if at all, against HPV and other sexually transmitted infections. The results also take the pressure off the recently FDA-approved HPV vaccine, which some conservatives are complaining will increase sexual promiscuity among teens.

The findings should make condom labeling more straightforward as well. In 2000 a panel of four government agencies determined that there was "inadequate information about condom use in reducing the risk of all sexually transmitted infections except for the AIDS virus and, among men, gonorrhea" and the "FDA was urged to add a warning to condom labels about the lack of protection against HPV."

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Men: Score! Women: Whoops!

www.salon.com
What do you know, women still experience more regret over one-night stands than men do, according to a new study. Researchers at Durham University in the U.K. surveyed 1,743 men and women about their morning-after feelings and found that 80 percent of men and 54 percent of women reported feeling good after a hookup; men also feel more confident and sexually satisfied afterward, and are more likely to brag to friends about it.

I suppose hookup hand-wringers might argue that this study is proof that young women are hooking up and tuning out, that they're having casual sex because they think they're supposed to and not because they want to. That may, indeed, be true in some cases, but I'd sooner believe that this study illustrates the familiar stud-slut double standard. Even young women of the hookup generation -- and I am one -- aren't immune to culturally commanded sexual shame; greater permissiveness toward one-night stands doesn't necessarily make it easy for women to feel proud of their sexploits. On the same note, it's no surprise women report less sexual satisfaction from their hookups: Plenty of women don't exactly experience sexual shame as an aphrodisiac, and hookup culture doesn't emphasize female pleasure so much as it does humping like bunny rabbits.

The researchers, however, focused on biological rather than cultural explanations for the study's results. "In evolutionary terms women bear the brunt of parental care and it has been generally thought that it was to their advantage to choose their mate carefully and remain faithful to make sure that their mate had no reason to believe he was raising another man's child," said lead researcher Professor Anne Campbell. "But recently biologists have suggested that females could benefit from mating with many men -- it would increase the genetic diversity of their children and, if a high quality man would not stay with them forever, they might at least get his excellent genes for their child." I'll leave you with the study's ultimate conclusion because it gave me a good chuckle: Women have yet to catch up with this bio-logic and "adapt" to meaningless sex.

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365 days of "must-have" sex

Sex every day and time to write a book about it. Two couples have risen to the challenge, writes Ralph Gardner jnr.

Let's say you and your spouse haven't had sex for so long that you can't remember the last time you did. Not the day. Not the month. Maybe not even the season. Would you look for gratification elsewhere? Would you file for divorce? Or would you turn to your mate and say: "Honey, you know, I've been thinking. Why don't we do it for the next 365 days in a row?"

That's more or less what happened to Charla and Brad Muller. And in another example of an erotic adventure supplanting married ennui, a second couple, Annie and Douglas Brown, embarked on a similar, if abbreviated journey: 101 straight days of post-nuptial sex.

Both couples document their exploits in books published this month, the latest entries in what is almost a mini-genre of books offering advice about the "sex-starved marriage". The couples, though, are hardly similar. The Mullers are Bible-studying steak-eating Republicans from North Carolina. The Browns are backpacking multi-grain New Yorkers who moved to Boulder, Colorado. The Mullers' book, 365 Nights, is rather modest and circumspect in its details. The Browns's book, Just Do It, almost makes the reader feel part of a threesome, sharing everything they used to stimulate sexual desire (it's hard to visualise and even harder to explain).

To many spouses "married sex" may sound like an oxymoron. And "married-with-children sex" may sound like that elusive antimatter. Indeed, reigniting a couple's desire for each other has fuelled an entire therapeutic industry - from Kinsey to Dr Ruth. According to a 2004 study, American Sexual Behaviour by the National Opinion Research Centre at the University of Chicago, married couples have intercourse about 66 times a year. But that number is skewed by young marrieds, as young as 18, who manage it, on average, 109 times a year.

(The Australian Study of Health and Relationships taken years ago found a slightly higher rate locally. Those who had been in heterosexual relationships for at least a year had sex on average 1.84 times a week. It also found that 23.4 per cent of men and 8.3 per cent of women would like to have had sex daily, or more often.)

Either way, those statistics put the Mullers and Browns in Olympic-record territory. That they thought a sex marathon would reinvigorate their marriages might say as much about the American penchant for exercise and goal-setting as it does about the state of romance.

But the couples may also be on to something. "There's a strong relationship between rating your marriage as happy, and frequency of intercourse," said Tom Smith, who conducted the American Sexual Behaviour study. "What we can't tell you is what the causal relationship is between the two. We don't know whether people who are happy in their marriage have sex more, or whether people who have sex more become happy in their marriages, or a combination of those two."

Do these couples provide any answers? Did sex every night make them happier in their marriages and in life? Charla apparently had no intention of writing about "the gift", as she euphemistically refers to it.

She was simply a homemaker and marketing consultant, who, in 2006, wanted to give her husband a special 40th birthday present. "This is something no one else would give him," she said. "It didn't cost a lot of money. It was highly memorable. It met all the criteria for a really great gift."

Brad was less than fully enthusiastic, mostly because, he says, his wife often has big ideas and poor follow-through. After all, she hadn't been especially generous in that department since they'd had their two children. He paid closer attention when he realised she was serious.

The book idea came up serendipitously. Charla had lunch with a friend, Betsy Thorpe, a former book editor and her eventual collaborator. She saw the stuff of literature in the couple's nightly trysts (the women met three-quarters of the way through the Mullers' annus mirabilis).

While 365 Nights was written from the women's perspective, Just Do It was written by the man, Douglas Brown, a 42-year-old reporter at The Denver Post. Yet the change in gender doesn't seem to affect the point of view, perhaps because Doug comes across as a sensitive male, and because the sexual marathon in 2006 was his wife's idea, a way to banish suburban boredom after they moved to Boulder two years earlier from the East Coast.

"I thought we don't have anything else going on," Annie said. "It might kick-start our marriage."

They changed venues frequently - a cabin on an ashram, a yurt in the Colorado Rockies, and in a hotel room in Las Vegas. "That's why we scheduled all these little trips," Annie said. "We knew it had the potential of getting monotonous." And were it not for her competitive zeal, their streak might have died well short of 100 days. Annie even forced her husband to have sex during a bout of vertigo. "I'm not a quitter," she said. "The night he had vertigo, I said, 'I'm sorry, guy, but you've got to keep going."'

Doug said in an interview that on their 101st day, he felt "sort of like you had some long-forgotten appointment to hear some tax attorney talk about estate planning". After that, he said, "I think we didn't do it for a month."

The Mullers, or at least Charla, hit a wall somewhere around the 10th month. In her book, she describes the gift then as "my stupid idea" and "a hidden cross to bear". But they say they dropped out only a few days a month, mostly because of Brad's business travel. They averaged 26 to 28 times a month.

"The spirit of the gift was not to keep score," Charla said. "When he was travelling, we tried to make up for it, but it wasn't mandatory."

The women are regarded with admiration, if not always envy, by their girlfriends. "My first reaction was 'please don't tell my husband'," said Sydney Coffin, a friend of Charla's.

Annie Brown is now viewed as a de facto sex therapist by her peers. Her adventure even inspired her friend Diane Elliston to turn off the television in the bedroom. The Browns had draped tasteful fabric over theirs.

"We did it every day for three days in a row," Elliston said.

Approaching sex as a marathon, with its own version of Heartbreak Hill, may not be the solution for every stagnating marriage. Lois Braverman, the president of the Ackerman Institute for the Family, cautioned against couples trying to keep up with the Mullers and Browns. "Some couples are totally satisfied with being sexual one night a week, some twice, some twice a month," she said. "There's no number of times that's right."

Shoshana Bulow, a psychotherapist and sex therapist in Manhattan, pointed out that sex is a lot more complicated than frequency. "There's all sorts of reasons people lose interest in sex with their partner - disappointments, life cycles, financial issues," she said. "Just having it isn't going to resolve those."

Nonetheless, sex every day seems to have worked for the Mullers and Browns. Charla Muller and Annie Brown both talk about how mandated physical intimacy created more emotional intimacy. "It required a daily kindness and forgiveness, and not being cranky or snarky, that I don't think either of us had experienced before," Charla said.

Annie said that she and her husband reached a place in their relationship that they have seldom approached since. "It was just this intense closeness," she said. "We were so aware of wherever the other person was mentally and emotionally and physically."

Today, the Browns report they have sex approximately six times a month, or double their frequency before their adventure. The Mullers decline to discuss their habits, except to say that they fall well within the national average. And, Brad said, the sex is better. "It made it much easier to be open to the idea, more spontaneous," he said, "so you don't go back to that always gaming for it and always trying to get out of it."

Charla agrees: "It's a lot better than it used to be. I may be slow to the take, but it was a really meaningful lesson."

Douglas Brown suffers less stage fright than he once did. "There's much less of a sense of having to perform," he said. "After 100 days, that kind of melted away."

All the same, he doesn't recommend the experience to everyone. "I'm glad we did it. But as far as a practical message, nobody needs to do it 100 days. You don't have to climb Mount Everest to understand alpine sublime."
New York Times


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Sexy Walks "Keep men Off Scent"

www.news.bbc.com.uk

A sexy swing of the hips may attract admiring glances, but it is not a covert sign a woman is ready to breed, according to researchers.

A Queen's University, Ontario, team examined volunteers' walks and the levels of sex hormones in their saliva.

They found those with alluring walks were the furthest away from ovulation.

A British expert said the research, featured by New Scientist magazine, supported the idea women disguise their fertility to deter unsuitable partners.

'Surprising results'

Women give a wide variety of subtle signals to men to advertise the fact that they are ready to conceive and Meghan Provost, the lead researcher, had expected a "sexy", hip-swinging walk to be one of those.

She analysed the gait of female volunteers, showed video clips to 40 men, asking them to rate the attractiveness of the way the women walked, and then matched the results to the hormone tests.

She said the results, published in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior, were so surprising that she had repeated the experiment again with another group of male viewers.

The women who were most fertile at the time of the experiment walked with fewer hip movements and with their knees closer together.

She now thinks the findings tally with other research suggesting that women want to conceal their ovulation from males other than their chosen partner.

Monogamy

A sexy walk would be too obvious, so women are thought to use changes in smell and facial expressions that can be experienced only at close range.

Ms Provost said: "If women are trying to protect themselves from sexual assault at times of peak fertility, it would make sense for them to advertise attractiveness on a broad scale when they are not fertile."

Dr John Manning, from the University of Central Lancashire, agreed with this theory.

He said it was in a woman's best interests to form a closer attachment to one man to help raise children, rather than to advertise her fertile time and be approached by a larger number of competing males.

He said: "I think that the subtle signs of ovulation are used, in a sense, to promote monogamy.

"If you want to pick up on these, you have to be already living with, or close to, the woman, so this constrains the man into daily attendance on a woman."


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Understanding Online Adult Dating

If you are looking for intimate encounters, online adult dating service is the one for you. Adult dating online is different to ordinary online dating because its profiles has sections for sexy photos of the members. You just need to register and presto! You will be able to contact other members through. Some services offered by online dating sites are similar with online adult dating sites.

Cybersex is often allowed in online adult dating. It is the act between online daters where they use sexually stimulating online communication. They tell each other their sexual fantasies and sexual acts through typing the words in the computer. Cybersex is widely used by couples, married couples and those in relationships because they consider it exciting and pleasurable. Since cybersex is done online, it is also considered as the safest way of having safe sex.

The online adult dating has the following benefits:

• It gives shy and less sexually experienced people to convey their sexual sides.
• It is the safest place to practice safe sex.
• It will make you comfortable to deal with the cybersex partner because of its online.

Here’s the dangers of adult dating online:

• You don’t know the person your dealing with and their intimate The dangers of adult dating online are in not knowing the person you are dealing with and their sexual involvement.
• Many people get too seriously connected on adult dating online and get addicted with cybersex.
• Since cybersex is not healthy, it can ruin your physical sex life.
• It will deter you from having real physical relationships.


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